Projection

I ran across a friend's facebook page (let's call her Alta) where she commented on her frustration with mothers who don't encourage their daughters to be modest. Mind you, both of these women are mothers with daughters. Almost immediately, her friend (who I do not know--let's call her Bea) started commenting on Alta's facebook pictures that Bea considered immodest (short shorts) from back in the glory days of high school. Bea had a profile picture in a spaghetti-strapped tank (which I obviously consider immodest because I'm mentioning it) and commented that she believed her children should be modest, but she would not force them to dress differently than they chose to. . .

So the woman go back and forth, back and forth, each one casting blame at the other person for her lack of compassion, lack of tack, judgment, etc. Soon the whole idea about modesty is out the window and now they are focused on each other's tactics in approaching "friendly conversation and facebook profiles."

Far removed from this converstion (it was a back and forth dialogue between Alta and Bea, except for when Alta 's hubby chimed in to give back up to his darling) were 22 additional people who "Liked" the original comment. I'm sure there were/are an equal number of people who disliked the comment, but had no "dislike" button to push, so they moved on with their day.

What was it between these two women, bantering back and forth for over a day about modesty? Some might say it was a power struggle. Obviously. But what prompted the comment to begin with. Why did my friend have so much disgust with the mothers and daughters she saw out in the heat of summer in low cut tops and tiny shorts? What prompted Bea to feel that her name was written all over the original comment (which it was not).

I submit two likely culprits: guilt and blame (aka projection).

Wikipedia (the source of all truth :), defines projection as the following:

"Psychological projection . . . is a psychological defense mechanism where a person subconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, usually to other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings.

"Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted unconscious impulses or desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them."

The heat came not from the other party, but from the self. Blame is an outlet for pain and inner discomfort. It was easier for Alta to be disgusted by other mothers and daughters than to deal with the guilt that she may have about defying her own mother with immodest clothes, or perhaps her sadness that she will not be able to wear that certain style, or her daughter won't--I don' t know what feelings she was escaping. It was easier for Bea to blame my friend for being judgmental than to accept the feelings of guilt that she is wearing immodest clothes, or whatever.

My point. I am no Freud, but I can smell projection from a mile away. Why? Because I do it all the time.